a heart enflamed and a soul enchanted

overhaul.

2010-12-17T11:36:00.000-08:00

like excercise, the longer i waited to get back into blogging the harder it became to start up again... its been a crazy few months, what can i say?

i recently discovered the website of Todd Selby, called The Selby

seriously inspiring... i love not only the beautiful photography of people in their homes, but the small insight into the lives of all these interesting people and adorable couples. its always been such a thrill to me, getting a sneak peek into the lives of others... like walking down a dark street at night and seeing a lighted window where framed inside is this mini vignette of a scene, a moment of someones life.

in the process of a serious overhaul in my life right now... and thinking this blog needs the same...

signs.

2010-08-31T10:26:00.000-07:00

color full.

2010-08-03T12:39:00.000-07:00

(mood fabrics, nyc)

one of those days. perfect weather, walking, wandering around the city, strong coffee, running errands, meeting people, popping in stores, getting things done, being inspired! IDEAS GALORE!

crush.

2010-07-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

a poem i wrote about a crush when i was 16 years old.

the bittersweet between my teeth.

2010-07-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

marble.

2010-07-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

Rodin sculptures from the MET museum

this is love.

moving picture.

2010-06-23T10:07:00.000-07:00

Jake Davis Test Shots: Caggie Dunlop from Jake Davis on Vimeo.

by jake davis

i would love to begin doing more short videos in conjunction with/as opposed to photoshoots of my clothing... i think there is so much more about a person, clothing, the feel of a line, that can be conveyed through the energy and subtleties of a short film.

torn.

2010-06-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

photography by patrick stroub

some shots from a photoshoot i styled last weekend (and though you can't see it well, the black ripped sweater in the middle photo is one that i designed)

monet.

2010-06-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

perfect summer days make me want to preserve the moment in a painting as soft and serene as these.

old soul.

2010-06-18T23:42:00.000-07:00

photo by aaron farley

it strikes me that people often misuse the term "old souls" to mean a young person who has wisdom or maturity that seems like an adult. personally, i believe that people who have "old souls" are people whose actual souls have been around in the world a lot longer than others. there are life-cycles going on all the time, in nature and in the world, and it only seems logical to me that our souls could have a life cycle of their own. why should this 80-100 years that we are here on earth be the only "lifetime" of ours out there, when the rest of life is not a straight line with a beginning, middle and end, but one big endless circle?

through all the things that our different souls experience, whether it is through bodies here on earth, or through some other experience in the ether which we can only imagine, our souls must be learning, growing and maturing. we have all met people who seem “young at heart” or just "immature" no matter their age, and there are others who seem to have a wisdom beyond their years that doesn't come from a classroom or a book. people connect with others regardless of age or life experience, due to similar thought process and (i believe) state of their souls.

there are people i've met who i feel an immediate and inexplicable connection with, who i can know for years, or just for a day, who despite everything, i feel closer to and more connected with than others i've known my entire life. I absolutely don’t believe this can be explained by biology and physical chemistry. perhaps these are our true "soul mates”? not a romantic bond, but someone you connect with on a level that can't be qualified simply by a good conversation, what topics you agree on, or similar interests you may have.

****

in my opinion, i believe that we are all nothing more than these complex souls, experiencing life here on earth through these bodies that we are born into. when i think of who I AM, it doesn't have anything to do with my body or anything physical that i do. it has to do with how i feel and what i think and the connections i make with people, places and things in life. how can this be dependent only on my brain and body and nerves and blood when my mind feels so separate from my physical self? how is it possible that the way i feel, in my thoughts, who i am, would disappear just because my blood leaves my body, or my lungs stop taking in oxygen?

you couldn't possibly know.

2010-06-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

archives.

2010-06-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

(highlights from the current fashion exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum)

elegance.

2010-06-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

(Norman Norell - Evening Ensemble, 1970–71)

the current fashion exhibit at the brooklyn museum (which i haven't actually visited yet) features this outfit among others... i am enamored with this look and the organza sleeves and the big bow at the neck remind me of some pieces i've created in the past (no wonder i'm drawn to it). i love classic designs and how they can still translate over the years! i really must do more pieces with organza, its structured and holds shape so well and yet its still light and elegant. all the flea markets i've visited and the vintage shopping i've been doing recently make me nostalgic for a certain look and quality of work that only seems to found in pieces from this era...

:=\::/|\:|:/|\::/=:

2010-05-30T23:00:00.000-07:00

(alek wek models in an editorial for how to spend it mag)

wooden beams and floors, teal sneakers moved to a beat and the texture of your hair in your face as you moved, dancing, sweating. standing, swaying, curious and unnoticed, like the slices of orange and pieces of string holding everything together. a stomping pulse and something changing and feeling still and alone and happy in the midst of this moving, breathing thing. a breath of fresh air unusually clean and lights lights lights sparkling across the horizon.

tuesday.

2010-05-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

big city.

2010-05-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

(photography by lily ferguson)

we've built up our world, created a hard space where we live and work, (where i sometimes feel trapped but where i mostly feel free) with stones and brick and glass and metal and plastic and paper and steel and height and shapes and gas and wheels and rubber and wood and concrete.

we circle around each other through subway lines and boroughs and bars and buildings, never touching, communicating through writing and text and music and wires and airwaves. and sometimes words. sometimes.

and even when i hate it, i find myself looking around at the confusion and chaos and loneliness and crushing weight of it all and can't help but admit that it is all, somehow, still very beautiful.

the joy.

2010-05-18T23:23:00.000-07:00

green.

2010-05-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

such brilliant green and blue this weekend, my eyes could barely take it all in.
(this is why i don't like wearing sunglasses)

empty room.

2010-05-06T21:58:00.002-07:00

I'm in a certain place. And maybe I'm alone in the middle of this empty room, or maybe its just that for once I have room to breathe and now that it's empty i can hear each inhale and exhale and feel my chest expanding. either way, i'm here, and i don't hate it, and i'm even willing to embrace the circumstance and not just because there is nothing else to wrap my arms around. i see the others and i smile because its good, there is no mourning for what isn't mine. its floating and it's music and it's silence and i'm free. it allows for thoughts and things and strings of words and dreams to curl like smoke into the atmosphere. i am a little bottle in the middle of the vast cold floor and i'm compact and small. and when you finally curl your fingers around and bring me to your lips, we will change and swell and grow too large for the space to contain us.

gustav.

2010-05-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

(gustav klimt)

gustav klimt... his patterns and the detail in the clothes, jewelry and hair... the beauty is that his paintings are so evocative of decadent fashion illustrations, even when his female subjects are nude. klimt's work was the first that really captured and moved me, at an age when I thought most paintings and museums were dull and has continuted to be one of my favorites through all other art that i've encountered.

pane.

2010-04-28T14:43:00.000-07:00

mmm yes please right now.

i spy.

2010-04-25T10:07:00.000-07:00

antique shop in maastricht

i spy 3 rolling pins, a hanger, 5 clocks,
a cross of wood and a tie with red dots.

a yellow clay pot and three silver spoons,
a delicate glass bottle made for perfume.

an old record player, a book with blue spine,
some vintage clothes i wish could be mine...

these lives.

2010-04-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

"Every dreamer knows that it is entirely possible to be homesick for a place you've never been to, perhaps more homesick than for familiar ground."
- Judith Thurman

a whiff of perfume, a song through my headphones, the sight of a tree standing brilliantly against a clear blue sky - makes me reminisce about places i've never been but that i am sure i know very well. sometimes i am transported to a a tiny street where i can find a dusty cafe playing jazz music and serving red wine, other times it's a glamorous world of cool marble foyers and high ceilings and open windows looking out across an ocean. sometimes it's rolling hills and olive trees and the smell of burning grass and running and climbing and tumbling... sometimes it's a room with a fire and creaky wood floors and the smell of hot cider and the feel of wool blankets and snow outside for miles and miles. sometimes i long for the scenario so badly it aches, like its something i once had that has since been ripped away from me in some tragic turn of events.

***

a large majority of my life has been based around these fantasies of what i imagine that life is like, or could be like, in different places, countries, houses, jobs, different scenarios, with different people - influenced by stories read when i was 11, thick books of stock photos of exotic places and houses i would pour over when i was 14, or songs i listened to at 17.

but which scenario do i pursue? is it possible to have and experience them all? each of these lives are possible if fully pursued, but how do you pursue a desire that literally changes with the wind, with the sight or smell of something new?

***

and yet during all this, i am living another life, the one that is my "reality", the one i've created that includes little pieces of all these dreams and childhood picture books and stories and songs. life is a little bit of all these fantasies, but at the same time it is never fully any one, individually. is it possible for ANYONE to be completely satisfied and fully involved in the life currently being lived without ever dreaming or fantasizing of another?

there have certainly been many times of sublime contentment, weeks while traveling, days exploring a new place, moments while surrounded by good friends or people i love, where i have thought YES, this is exactly where i want to be, exactly the life i want to be living right at this moment. but for the most part, we move forward, striving towards something we dream of, that may or may not be.

then again, our physical reality is viewed through the individual lens of our mental reality. as on that waterslide in Ohio, am i not exactly the person that i feel that i am, living that life i imagine, even just for those few moments?

schiele.

2010-04-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

(egon schiele)

in a weird mood today. i feel a little anxious and annoyed and bothered and little things are frustrating me that shouldn't. got some good news yesterday, but didn't react to it like i should have. it could have made my day but it didn't really phase me. i just feel a little... blah.

memory.

2010-04-07T13:44:00.000-07:00

10 years old. visiting my grandmother in ohio, we all went to a large outdoor pool, with a twisting waterslide with very high walls where for five glorious seconds there was nothing but sun beating down on wet hair and water surrounding a slippery body sliding down, down within the walls of this plastic tube where for a moment, it was possible to be anywhere that this scenario could exist. shy and alone, my first experience on the slide was affected by a loud boisterous boy a year or two older than me singing "i believe i can fly" who slid down in front of me, splashing and laughing with his friends. there was something attractive about the skinny freckle faced child and the whole situation and when i heard his name i rolled it around on my tongue and whispered it aloud to myself in the five seconds of solitude as i slid after him, tumbling and falling. there, for those long five seconds i relived over and over until it grew dark, i was not in ohio, i was not with my family, i was another, away, across, in love, someone confident and assured and i flipped my chlorine hair and shook my sunburnt shoulders and said his name again and again.

jazz.

2010-03-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

jazz band plays in a maastricht bar

scrap metal.

2010-03-30T09:22:00.000-07:00

(designed by dennis slootweg, http://www.dennisslootweg.nl/index.php)

my dream apartment includes amazing industrial looking pieces such as these, designed by dutch designer dennis slootweg. how i wish i was able to be in milan this year for the salone del mobile...

nostalgia.

2010-03-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

i have a hard time leaving any place where i've spent enough time to form habits, make memories, meet friends or develop a routine. driving away from maastricht on our way to the airport, i was filled with a horrible feeling of loss, of leaving a place and lifestyle that i was beginning to really enjoy. the worst part of this feeling is that it stems from the knowledge that no matter when you go back to that place, even if its for the same reason, even if its with the same people... the circumstances will have changed, people will have changed, and the entire experience and feeling can never be relived. there are upsides to this of course, but it never fails to break my heart. time and moments and places and people, all make me extremely sentimental and leaving them behind makes me instantly nostalgic. the idea that we can never get a moment back, have the same experience again, just makes so glaringly obvious how short life is and how present we should be for every moment before it is taken away and we're left with nothing but memories.

when i returned to my apartment in new york, completely drained after 16 hours of travel, i felt this strange sensation of separation between my state of mind and physical being. here i was, in my room in my apartment in new york, and everything was in the same state as before. just how i left it. yet my mind was not. i felt changed, i felt different, and returning to a place that held other feelings and memories and worries, things i had left behind for the past three weeks, was confusing and frustrating.

i love new york, but at that moment i felt nothing.

i missed the small town of Vrijthof, the cobbled streets made for pedestrians and bikes, walking to work in the morning, stopping by the patisserie for a croissant and sandwiches for lunch and walking on the bridge across the river and seeing the scenic city of Maastricht in 360 degree view. I missed the cappuccinos from the shop on the other side of the river and the winding walk past the too new shops and sterile condominiums to the large convention center MECC and walking through the back entrance over the slippery tiled floors to the soft carpeted hall where every booth was vacuuming, dusting and preparing for the day. I missed seeing the familiar faces in the design section and the friends we made behind the sushi bar, the simple excitement of designs in the cappuccino foam, visiting other booths, marveling at the works of art and inviting friends for a drink at mojito'clock. I missed the end of the day and the walk home, dinner with clients and friends and drinks at take5, the exciting and the unexpected, the freedom and the complete and utter sense of being exactly where i wanted to be.

a few days back in the city and those feelings begin to shift and change, and i can feel my mind returning to my body and to the city and to life and plans and possibilities here... and despite everything, the past begins to slip away, only to return in the tune of a song, the taste of a drink, when least expected.

tefaf highlights part 6: sebastian + barquet

2010-03-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

my home for 10 days.

tefaf highlights part 5: modern/contemporary art

2010-03-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

tefaf highlights part 4: design

2010-03-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

tefaf highlights part 3: oriental & egyptian

2010-03-22T17:13:00.000-07:00

tefaf highlights part 2: classical antiques & works of art

2010-03-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

tefaf highlights part 1: armor

2010-03-22T14:33:00.000-07:00

some of my personal favorites from TEFAF this year...

one candle and two magpies.

2010-03-09T09:30:00.000-08:00

visited the church this morning, wandered around quietly and took a few photos where i could. sat in silence for a while in a tiny chapel under the main alter. it smelled of incense and it was so utterly silent, i felt like i was falling into a trance.

later, trying to follow directions to a hardware store to pick up some extra supplies for our booth, we ended up on the outskirts of the city and made our way into the middle of the ruins of an old fortress. climbing the muddy grass covered hills that substituted for most of where the fortress should have been, we reached a top peak where we could look out over the city. it was really beautiful. the fortress was huge, and was essentially a huge expanse of grass covered hills with remains of stone walls and a large moat in areas. bounding down the small dirt path that wove through the trees and over the hills i felt like a little kid again exploring hidden castles and imagined how much fun it would be to run and jump and play in this spot. we never found the hardware store, but finding that place was worth it.

on our way through the ruins, we saw a magpie. the english are superstitious and believe that magpies can be good luck ("one for sorrow, two for joy...") and so we saluted the lone magpie in hopes of not having "sorrow" be our destiny. a little later, we saw another and just as we were wishing there were two together, both flew up out of the bush in unison and solidified our good luck.

so far, so good...

maastricht.

2010-03-08T16:43:00.001-08:00

exactly where i need to be. midway through the atlantic all my cares just melted away, and nothing else seemed to matter. its amazing to be traveling again, to be somewhere new... nothing but good things so far... and so much more to come!

somewhere new.

2010-03-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

tomorrow, i will find myself waking up somewhere new...

i said you do.

2010-03-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

the prospect of warm weather is so enticing these days... there are so many things i'm looking forward to - picnics in the park, movies under the brooklyn bridge, trips to block island to bike around to all the hidden little beaches, barbeques outside with friends, farmers markets and flea markets, blue marble ice cream, the botanical garden that i've still never visited...

i know i'm getting ahead of myself (seeing how yesterday was beautiful but i still woke up this morning to snow flurries) but i think its possible that a little spring is exactly what i need to get over this long, seemingly endless winter...

jump.

2010-03-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

photography by akasha rabut

feeling really good today.

asymmetric.

2010-02-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

Tim Van Steenbergen Fall 2009

an obsession with blazers and jackets just might turn into a full blown interest in menswear...

jardin à sainte-adresse.

2010-02-26T10:02:00.000-08:00

wedding photography by Sights + Sounds

such lovely photos. it looks like this wedding party stepped out of a painting... it reminds me in particular of Jardin à Sainte-Adresse, one of my favorite paintings by Monet. i would love to be sitting on a picnic blanket outside in a garden wearing one of these gorgeous dresses, listening to a jazz band and twirling my parasol... what a romantic image!

its a beautiful snowy day outside, but i'm already dreaming of spring...

silk.

2010-02-25T13:22:00.000-08:00

photography by kim kyung soon for Vogue Korea

how beautiful are these garments? the color and the silk and the layers and the silhouettes...

mouthful.

2010-02-24T08:16:00.000-08:00

Octopus from steve morel aka ekion on Vimeo.

creepy, disturbing and fascinating.

getaway.

2010-02-22T14:57:00.000-08:00

KETTNER's by studioilse

unbearable lightness.

2010-02-18T10:51:00.000-08:00

photography by lily ferguson

"he called to her in a kind voice, and Tereza felt her soul rushing up to the surface through her blood vessels and pores to show itself to him." (The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

existential crisis.

2010-02-16T14:11:00.000-08:00

sometimes i'll be lying in bed at night, just about to go to sleep (maybe there's music on, maybe just a candle or small desk light, or the light of my mac before it shuts down) and i think about life and realize that its GOOD. my life is good.
people i love are not far away, healthy, happy. i have a job i am happy at. i actually enjoy going to work every day. my job is not monotonous, and i'm able to be creative. i like my schedule, i like my neighborhood. i like working in manhattan, and living in brooklyn. i am making ends meet, and able to pay my bills and have enough left to go out to dinner or grab a drink with friends when i want.

then all the sudden, all that seems to fade away and i'm left with the horrible thought of... so what?

what now? what does it all mean? is this IT? is this all there is? what am i even DOING here? what does it matter? why am i following these rules? what is my purpose and is the fact that life is good and i am alive all it should take to make me feel... complete?

here i am, going to the same place every day, and even if i enjoy it, some days i just want to get out and travel somewhere else. sometimes i get the urge to draw something or sew something, but if it doesn't come at a time where i'm at home with nothing else to do then i lose the moment doing something that i didn't exactly feel inspired to do. i was busy doing something else completely obligatory. but why?

i am following some kind of unwritten rulebook, not allowing me to live in the moment. are people even made to live their lives following rules like this? some days i really just want to go to the airport and buy a plane ticket somewhere else. get away for a weekend, play hooky from work. i like to think i'm that kind of a spontaneous person, but am i really? ah, no. i have to be sensible. i don't have money for that. that would be irresponsible. if i missed work i could lose my job. blah, blah, blah. and so i don't go anywhere. i wake up and go to work again. and life is... good.

but whats the worst that could happen if i just took off, left for a while? so WHAT? i just want to LIVE! be with people, talk and listen and learn, see the world, cook food, try new things, explore... but is it a chicken and egg situation? you can't "live" without money... so you work to get money to enjoy the time you aren't working... and then you find you're working so much its hard to actually find the time to "live"...? why does life have to consist of things we don't want to do, that we have to do, to allow us to do the things we actually want to do?

is that "just the way life is"? how can it be, when the expectation and routine and social structure is something that WE have created? life itself doesn't have this structure, these rules. we aren't born knowing them or needing to follow them, until we are taught them. so what is the real meaning and purpose of our lives?

the only thing i can find that makes sense, that could even possibly come close to the meaning of life or at least the way to be happy, is to separate the the bare essentials of human life from the man made structure that we live in. there's no way that these things we've invented, these buildings, these social structures, these apartments and homes and cars and things are going to make us happy. because we were here on this earth long before we invented all these things and i have to believe that from the very beginning we were put on this earth with all the necessary tools to be happy and fulfilled. nature, travel and the amazing beauty of the world, different people and cultures and ways of connecting with other humans... loving people and learning and growing and exploring. THOSE are the things that i think are truly important. but are we doomed to never be able to fully embrace those things, and therefore never be happy, because we're trapped in some horrible prison of our own making?

all these thoughts tumble around in my head daily, popping up when i least expect it, maybe walking to work, looking up at the sky, thinking how beautiful it is and feeling sad that i have to go into a building which i won't emerge from until it is dark. but i suppose for most of us, even those that have these thoughts... its easiest not to think about it, to push the thought aside by thinking of whats going on tomorrow, sorting through the mental checklist of errands that need to be done later, or making plans to fill the empty space that is the days ahead.

because after all, who am i to complain? life is good...

entwined.

2010-02-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

(photography by guido mocafico)

cocktail.

2010-02-02T14:09:00.000-08:00

this week is insane. stressful. best week ever. worst week ever.

i need one of the above.

i'll make you a mix tape.

2010-02-01T10:17:00.000-08:00

colored markers.

2010-01-30T12:43:00.000-08:00

(via flickr)

in high school i used to keep interested in boring classes by taking my notes with colored crayola markers. i would color code everything so that the topics would be one color, underlined in a second color, with the sub-topics in yet another. all complimentary colors, of course. the notes themselves would be in pen or pencil. if i messed up on one of the topics, as long as i wasn't too far into the notetaking, i would rip out the page and redo the whole thing. (yes, it was a little OCD of me, but it certainly made studying for tests much easier when i had those notes to review!)

i also have a dorky obsession with new art supplies - pens, colored markers, notebooks, drawing paper, freshly sharpened pencils... i love the way they look when they're new, how they write... and is there anything nicer than a blank notebook just waiting to be filled or an empty sketchpad full of possibility?

technicolor.

2010-01-29T13:15:00.000-08:00

(photography by travis de clifford)

"The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny - it is the light that guides your way."

saltwater.

2010-01-28T08:54:00.000-08:00

(you couldn't lose me if you tried)

(photo by margaret durow)

puritan.

2010-01-27T13:10:00.000-08:00

Designs by Made in Donald

those who know me know.

on perfection.

2010-01-25T21:55:00.000-08:00

what is 'perfect'? when talking about a person, what does that mean? when talking about an object, or a situation, it usually means having no flaws. but is this what it means for people? because if so, then 'perfect' must be incredibly boring, and i can't imagine anything LESS perfect than that.

when someone is described as being 'too perfect', i can't see it meaning anything other than dull. flaws are what make people interesting, what give people character, and distinguish us from others. what makes one person perfect for another is not the absence of flaws, but flaws that one person can relate to, can overlook, can find endearing. what defines perfect for one person cannot define it for another. i don't want to be with someone that doesn't have flaws, because i certainly have many. some i'd like to work on, others i think i can live with. i am not seeking to eliminate flaws, to chisel away at myself or others so that i am left with something i don't recognize anymore, but to find someone who appreciates me, who i can appreciate, despite all these things... and maybe sometimes, because of them.

sketchbook + subway rides.

2010-01-22T10:06:00.000-08:00

(drawing again!)

i love when i end up in a subway car with a bunch of kids on a field trip into the city. its so interesting to see the way they all react to each other and hear the things they joke and laugh about. today it was a group of 9-10 year olds headed to a museum. they were all scrambling for seats so i got up to let a boy sit down. once they were all sitting, they were allowed to eat the snacks they had brought on the train, and the boy promptly pulled out a bag of chips and began munching away. soon the bag was nothing but crumbs, which he would scoop into his hands and pour into his mouth, inevitably getting them all over the front of his jacked and on the floor in front of him. it was so funny to watch this awkward chubby child wedged between two people on their way to work, and their reaction, as he ate his snack oblivious to all around him. i thought it was cute... the people next to him probably didn't agree.

morning coffee.

2010-01-21T08:09:00.000-08:00

its going to be a good day.

american dream.

2010-01-20T19:30:00.000-08:00

beautiful video, the colors, the room, her style.
not to mention, i think her voice is incredibly sexy.

nothing is random.

2010-01-20T11:50:00.000-08:00

and we met for a reason.

bits and pieces.

2010-01-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

Cal Lane - Steel Lace

life is funny. its ironic and sad and horrible and hilarious.
something happened this morning, something that not long ago would have made me upset, and really down on myself. this morning though, i found it funny. it was so sad that it crossed the line into amusing. i don't know whats going on but i feel like life is playing a big joke on me. i'm not sure what else i can do but keep on the way i'm going, and keep being amused rather than sad about the inevitably depressing outcome of it all. maybe somewhere someone is watching and laughing... so i think i'll just join in.

julian.

2010-01-15T13:40:00.000-08:00

what an incredible show. this needs to happen more often.

voila.

2010-01-15T10:12:00.000-08:00

Chicago Chair by Krueck + Sexton

i am making this chair... into a coat and dress.

birds of a feather.

2010-01-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

Numero Editorial #109 by Miguel Reveriego

places i've been, places i'm going.

2010-01-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

(nice, france. lake como region, italy. sicily, italy.)

found out recently that i'll be taking a 2 week business trip with my creative director to maastricht (holland) for the TEFAF design fair. this couldn't come at a better time, since i've recently been itching to GET AWAY. i need a little change of pace, a change of place... looking back through old photos of places i've been in the past couple years makes me nostalgic and a little sad for places, people, times in my life when everything felt completely serene. every time i crack a red bull here at work, all i think of is the stress free days in our beautiful apartment in milan, with the doors to the balcony wide open, barefoot, sitting at the kitchen table working on assignments for classes at the Politecnico. there's nothing more powerful than sounds and smells to trigger a memory... and when that red bull is paired with sebastian tellier or the cure, with eyes shut i would swear to you i was back there.

while i know that this trip to holland will include full days of work at the fair, i also know that being there without friends (aside from a coworker) will allow me plenty of time to make the time there as much like a vacation as possible. i can't wait to explore the different areas in maastricht, to take pictures, to meet people at the fair, attend some of the cultural events they have going on around the city, cook good meals at the apartment we're renting, read books and sketch. it's been a year and a half since i've traveled anywhere (far too long) and with any luck, this won't be the last trip of the year...

the third and the seventh.

2010-01-08T10:47:00.000-08:00

this is pure beauty.

The Third & The Seventh from Alex Roman on Vimeo.

100% CGI, short film by Alex Roman

for some wonderful but unexplained reason i've been feeling really positive all week. less stressed about certain things, and really good about some things that are going to happen, or could happen this year. i hope this continues because i have a couple garments to make in about a month, and i need that positivity in order to come out with something that isn't a total piece of crap. in fact, no pressure to myself, but its kind of going to have to be awesome.

with creative projects or professions especially, the game is how to keep the creativity flowing CONSTANTLY. its impossible just to sit down and "do it", there needs to be some level of inspiration and excitement about it, otherwise the whole project will just suck. like an author who is stuck with writers block, when its not happening, its just not happening. not surprisingly, the times in my life that i've done the best work have been when i was incredibly happy in other aspects of my life, or feeling really positive and capable due to other projects or things going on at that point.

then of course, there are the times when inspiration just HITS you. like last night, as i was about to go to bed early for the first time in maybe forever, when i all the sudden leapt out of my bed to sketch an idea that i just knew i would forget by the morning. in those instances, no sleep, people or plans can get in the way of work, because if that moment of inspiration is lost, chances are it will be gone forever.

oh boy.

2010-01-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

Timothee El Kaim by Matthew Brookes

i know not everyone can pull it off, but i can't help but wish i knew guys that would dress like this.

fresh start.

2010-01-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

via flickr

in the spirit of the new year, starting over and "cleaning house", i recently took on the half of my room that serves as a studio and ventured into piles of fabric and plastic bags full of patterns that haven't been touched in almost a year. being someone who likes to save everything (too many experiences where i've gotten rid of something seemingly useless, only to find i'm looking for it the next week), i had to force myself to be ruthless and ended up throwing away about 10 bags of fabric scraps, cardboard tubes, paper and patterns that i'd been pushing aside for months.

the five trips it took me to dispose of the unwanted mess left me wondering how it all fit in the corner of my room in the first place. either way, i feel a million times better now that it's gone. its funny how easily physical clutter can affect (or reflect...?) clutter in other aspects of my life. sifting through the remaining fabric, i rediscovered some ideas that i didn't have the space to act on before and was inspired to new possibilities that i previously wasn't sure how to approach.

now that i have the space, i only need the time...

2010.

2010-01-04T05:57:00.000-08:00

more reading.
more writing.
more conversations.
more concerts.

less tv.

more art.
more sketching.
more sewing.
more museums.

more cooking.
more water.
more gym.
more energy.

less couch.

more exploring.
more traveling.
more learning.
more experiences.

illustration by Vania Zouravliov

more doing.
more ideas.
more productive.

less stressing.

more honesty.
more love.
more laughing.

less regret.

new and used.

2010-01-02T11:25:00.001-08:00

photography by pam sattler

i am a compilation, mix tape, new and used parts. some are my own, born out of some inspiration or moment, others from a quote, book, story read somewhere and imprinted in my memory. some have been borrowed from people who i am inspired by, intrigued by, people who i respect. picking pieces and adding them to the puzzle, creating a more complete 3d image of who i am, who i am becoming.

float away.

2009-12-29T21:55:00.000-08:00

photography by chinako

a lot on my mind that i'm trying to avoid at the moment.

something.

2009-12-18T07:17:00.000-08:00

photography by Eugene Suo-Me

i think i'm going a little crazy. and i'm a little scared.

blue.

2009-12-16T10:02:00.000-08:00

photography by Cassie Kammerzell

photography by Marcio Simnch

they'll be no one unless that someone is you / i intend to be independently blue

this very moment.

2009-12-14T09:25:00.000-08:00

photography by inoka

"you can think about yesterday and you can become unhappy. you can think about tomorrow and you can become unhappy. but right this very moment - this throbbing, beating, real moment - can you be unhappy right now? without any past, without any future?"

sepia.

2009-12-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

photography by mark sink

fascination.

2009-12-08T10:46:00.000-08:00

paper flowers.

2009-12-03T15:47:00.001-08:00

maya romanoff/amy lau design

i'm quickly becoming obsessed by everything interior design. interestingly enough, this isn't new. when i was 12 i was equally enthralled by interior design and fashion design, and couldn't decide which i'd rather do more. i have sketchbooks of furniture designs and room floor plans - at that point fashion hadn't won out as the better career choice in my mind yet. that choice happened based on the things i learned that led me to believe that as a fashion designer i would have more creative control over my designs, as opposed to an interior decorator who designed based mainly from the clients needs and tastes... of course, as i grew older it became clear that in either industry it is possible to work jobs where you have total, or no creative control.

either way, its not the only example of things that have ended up coming full circle like this. sometimes i think taking second look at some other aspects of my life between the ages of 12-16 is like reading the future, as i constantly find myself watching these things resurface in new ways, with new depth, every day.

cholera.

2009-12-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

"With her Florentino Ariza learned what he had already experienced many times without realizing it: that one can be in love with several people at the same time, feel the same sorrow with each, and not betray any of them. Alone in the midst of the crowd on the pier, he said to himself in a flash of anger: 'My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse.'"
— Gabriel García Márquez (Love in the Time of Cholera)

dream.

2009-11-30T22:15:00.000-08:00

there is a reoccurring dream i have had regularly since i was really young. it started off as a regular dream that i would wake from in the middle of the night, or a kind of half dream/vision that i would have before falling asleep when i was sick and in that feverish delirious state. for a while it went away, but recently it has returned, coming to me at random times of extreme exhaustion, or as i'm just about to drift off at night.

its not so much a dream as it is a feeling, but its almost impossible to describe. these days i feel like i can hold on to it for a little longer, and try to look at it and decipher it more than i could in the past. i keep thinking that one day i will have an epiphany where i'll finally realize what it is that i'm seeing/feeling, or that i'll see or experience something one day and it will all make sense.

the only way i can describe it is that i am looking upwards towards the ceiling where i'm seeing this vision in my mind, yet i'm getting a birds eye view and actually looking downwards from above on something that is too small... but its a place, or a map, or something that's actually quite large but the feeling is that somehow something isn't fitting in that space. and the feeling while this is happening is very odd and slightly uncomfortable. when i was young it was frightening to me, as it was often also accompanied by a sensation where i felt like my face, or my body, or all of me was being crushed by a steady pounding, or throbbing. that feeling has long since passed, but the dream still leaves me feeling strangely unnerved.

i've always had strange and vivid dreams, but nothing quite like this. and recently my dreams have been very much tied to my life, been more vivid and realistic and included people that i know from everyday life, which is also less common for me. other people seem not to remember their dreams the way that i do. i can remember dreams in great detail from a long time ago, places and people and experiences that flicker through my memory as though they are moments in my past that i'm remembering as one would remember an childhood birthday party, or the first time at disneyworld. then everything becomes jumbled together and dreams and memories combine... and how can i NOT believe that there's something more behind the experiences and "memories" of my subconscious?

crumbling.

2009-11-30T09:08:00.000-08:00

apt.

2009-11-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

bradley stephens design

just a few of the reasons why i'm dreaming of my own studio apartment...

black & white.

2009-11-23T18:02:00.000-08:00

designs by ella haberlach
photography by tarek musleh

lazy sunday.

2009-11-22T18:15:00.000-08:00

today was a perfect sunday. i finally slept in, which i needed after a 6 day workweek. i woke up to another beautiful clear blue day, and couldn't sleep anymore because i wanted to be outside. went for brunch with friends, and spent the rest of the day exploring brookyln. saw the new exhibit at the brooklyn museum, which was really fantastic. i didn't have enough time to see it all, so i'll have to go back. i also never quite realized how great that museum is... i've always been impressed with the exterior (which i think rivals the Met) but have only been inside a couple times. ice cream and hot chocolate after the museum, and finally home for some quality time with my couch...

jellyfish.

2009-11-20T10:16:00.000-08:00

photography by Guido Mocafico

its pretty incredible how much natural beauty there is in the world.

all that is worth anything, really.

2009-11-19T09:20:00.000-08:00

"go after her, fuck, don't sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that's what you should do if you love someone, don't wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don't let people happen to you, don't let me happen to you, or her, she's not a fucking television show or tornado. there are people i might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at 4 in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and i always thought i'd be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest, and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can't just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone's idea of love but it is the way i can recognize it because that is what i do. go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really."

i love this quote. yet no one seems to have any idea where it came from...

love story.

2009-11-18T22:24:00.000-08:00

YDE photoshoot

i used to think i was a closet romantic. then i realized as jaded and cynical as i may seem sometimes, i don't think i've ever fooled anyone.

great white.

2009-11-17T20:56:00.000-08:00

i am so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life, friends who i can speak with and who challenge and inspire me. in one conversation recently, i was speaking with a friend who is older than i am, and we were talking about how one continues to grow and learn throughout their lifetime. this friend summed up our thoughts into the simple idea that if we are not learning and growing and evolving, than we are, in fact, beginning to die.

there is no standstill, there is no "rut". if you are not living, not moving forward, you are only existing... but even your existence is slowly losing meaning when there is nothing sustaining it.

there is so much to learn and explore. what are we doing in life if we are not expanding, if our relationships with others and with ourselves are not ever-changing and evolving and growing?

there are some species of sharks who will die if they stop swimming, due to the fact that the oxygen from the water won't flow through their gills. i see people as being similar to these sharks, in the way that if we stop exploring new places, experiencing new things, gaining new knowledge and pushing our limits, (all vital parts of life that are like an oxygen for our souls) we will begin to die. maybe this won't manifest itself physically at first, but i'm sure it will eventually.

i hate when i see anyone, but young people especially, who are stuck, or already feel like they are caught in some routine that they can't get out of. there is always time to make a change in your life, no matter how old or young or no matter what job or place you are in. i hope that i will be able to continue to love what i am doing, to continue being creative and creating new opportunities for myself, and that if i ever find myself feeling differently, i hope that i will have the courage to move on and not look back.

sycamore.

2009-11-16T06:14:00.000-08:00

My walk to work every day includes an avenue full of sycamore trees. To say that I enjoy these trees would be an understatement. Every day, I nearly trip over my own feet or a crack in the sidewalk, and my usual speed of .5 Avenues/min slows to close to 0. I am mesmerized by the peeling bark, exposing all the colors that from afar intertwine like splotches of pigment in an impressionist painting. Upon closer look, each separate hue is so precise that it looks like a paint by numbers, spaces where someone has carefully filled in complementary shades of green and brown to create the perfect work of art. I stare up as I walk, intensely pleased by how nicely the trees are illuminated by the clear blue sky behind them. Occasionally someone walking near me will glance upwards also, trying to catch a glimpse of whatever it is that I'm looking at, but I'm sure they're disappointed when they realize there's nothing there but a tree...

playlist #1

2009-11-12T08:19:00.000-08:00

ms. cold - kings of convenience
wicked blood - sea wolf
11th dimension - julian casablancas
young at love and life - dominant legs
lights out - santogold
in steps - letting up despite great faults
islands - the xx
ambling alp - yeasayer
saga - basement jaxx
silvia - miike snow
gold guns girls - metric
wasted - angus & julia stone
just a boy - angus & julia stone
where i stood - missy higgins
hawaii - meiko

hello wednesday.

2009-11-11T07:42:00.000-08:00

i got myself the biggest, most caffeinated coffee i could this morning, but really what i feel like i need is a giant slap in the face.

Martine Johanna

Allison Torneros

...i get such a thrill from perusing notcot.org and seeing all the amazing things that people are creating and producing and designing and dreaming up every day.

i think i'd like to spend my life listening to music at an obscene volume and making art.

don't you think?

2009-11-10T23:04:00.000-08:00

life can be horribly ironic at times.

head over heels.

2009-11-10T13:14:00.000-08:00

designs by rita saardi

"It was a meditation on life, love, old age, death: ideas that had often fluttered around her head like nocturnal birds but dissolved into a trickle of feathers when she tried to catch hold of them." (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)

here's one for the headphones.

2009-11-09T21:18:00.000-08:00

this song is beyond needing an explanation.

papercuts.

2009-11-09T10:16:00.000-08:00

Pages from inspiration journal

its funny how a little thing can happen and it can have such a monumental impact on something else. or everything else.

angus & julia stone.

2009-11-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

love their music, love their photos.

surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest on pure joy.

2009-11-01T20:17:00.000-08:00

bubblegum pink.

2009-10-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

Editorial, W Magazine

Almost Halloween...

a new chapter.

2009-10-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

bathed in green with a chandelier above my head.

2009-10-14T13:25:00.000-07:00

i love interiors.

Photography by Michael Eastman

today is fantastic. i love when things get busy and i go a little crazy and a million tasks get accomplished all at once. its really the only way i can be productive.

and yet...this is just the calm before the storm. if all next week goes well, it could lead to some positive changes and more responsibility, which i really want. i hate feeling like i have to prove something, but i do.

...what am i going to do if my life slows down? i think i might die.

dreams that come from sleepless nights.

2009-10-13T23:02:00.000-07:00

some of the most beautiful fashion photography i've seen

designs by ella haberlach
photography by tarek musleh

exhausted after a stressful day... felt like i was hopped up on caffeine and have finally crashed. is it friday yet...?

give me stilettos and a gun.

2009-10-12T12:45:00.000-07:00

Editorial, Vogue Italia

the best editorials are in all the european magazines. they aren't afraid to take things to another level, or push the envelope.

...it's monday.

home sweet home.

2009-10-10T12:33:00.000-07:00

"Interiors speak! Rooms emphasize whether one exists or lives, and there is a great difference between the two." - Van Day Truex